When you get what you want, but not what you need.

“When you try your best but you don’t succeed. When you get what you want but not what you need. When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep. Stuck in reverse” – Coldplay.

CONDITION OF READING! GO TO YOUTUBE, TYPE IN FIX YOU BY COLDPLAY, HIT PLAT AND THEN COME BACK AND READ!

Trying to change someone when you can’t. Not because you don’t love them to absolute pieces but just because for that moment you needed them to be someone different. Why? Just because. But let’s be honest,  you can’t and as much you think you can try, people will not change. They are who they are for a reason and to those out there who are trying to change themselves for someone else, well unless you need to for yourself, then don’t. End of story. What i think i’m trying to say is that i think we’re all spending too much of our lives trying to be someone different to fit in with someone else. It could be throughout school, through a relationship, through a friendship and so on. It’s funny isn’t it. We all go on about being individuals but at the end of the day, we want to be exactly like someone else. I’m guilty. You’re guilty and together, we’re guilty of the very same thing. I know personally that i have many people, but a few individuals in particular that i look at and admire more than i can put down on this page. They are the apple to my eye for so many reasons. It ranges from the simple things like them knowing how your feeling in certain situations, to them having the ability to make you smile to other things like their achievements such as where they might be at in their career and so on. Realistically, it’s not that you want to be exactly like them but it’s to the point where you feel like you need to study them to find every single loop hole of how they got to where they are. I call these ones my guardian angels. These ones are the biggest part of my life and even though they may not be aware, they are leading me to where i need to go. They’re my GPS. So why would anyone want to change someone so unbelievably outstanding? How could anyone hurt these people? To the ones that have, may you get what’s coming to you. To the people who are reading this who have been hurt by someone so close, well my heart will ache every day until your pain is relieved. To the people who are reading this who have used both hands to tear some ones heart out, well who knows what your situation could have been, but i hope your reasoning is a good one. Who knows, one day i may be a culprit. One day i know i will be. I will reflect pain upon the people i love the most, more than the world. I guess that’s just what happens. You can’t get away with not hurting someone, never. It’s shit i think. Because you can’t not hurt someone. Sometimes you have to. Sometimes they’re ripped away from you in a split second and other times you have no other choice but to let them walk away. It’s a lose lose situation sometimes.

Some of you may be trying to figure out what i’m feeling when i write this and to be honest, i don’t know what i feel at all. My fingers are taking you on this journey so ask them because i have no idea. What i do know is that every day i try and grasp the concept of how important people are, how each role you play in some ones life is a thousand times bigger than you think and how we should take into account that within seconds the ones we love may not be there to pick you up when you fall down.

Jar of Hearts

Sometimes I think that everything I do is wrong. Sometimes I think every decision I seem to make will backfire on me. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes you meet people who you know will lead you to making either wise, or not so wise decisions. These people come along for many different reasons, most of which I don’t actually know what they are. It could be to test your inner strength, to teach you how to use your qualities, to make you realize who you are, to show you how much is out there, to allow opportunities to arise, to give you someone to love, cherish, adore and so on. Sometimes they show you that the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. These people could be dangerous. So my question is, What do you do when you’re faced with people who realisiticly are the most beautiful people, but it could well be that you’re actually the one who will be going around leaving scars instead of them? How many times in your lifetime have you said to yourself, ‘I’m not good for this person’ and I don’t mean in the way of confidence, I mean literally. You have the power to hurt people if you know how to use it. You can do it without realizing it. You can be selfish and without even wanting to, disrespect them so subtley.  I believe everyone is selfish. Everyone has a motive even if they don’t want to admit to it. It’s just like setting yourself a longtime goal. A selfish goal. I’ll admit it, there’s things that I want that I know I’ll never be able to achieve, ever, but  in order to even potentially achieve it, you need to take yourself into consideration first. I hate that I just wrote that. To me it’s a really bad trait to have. I’m not saying that this is the type of person I am, I just think that it’s reality and some people use this in the wrong manner. I’m guilty of it. You are. We are. They are. I really feel like I’m not making much sence, but maybe that’s because today, I don’t even make sense to myself either.

Someone said to me not to long ‘you’ve bitten off more than you can chew’ and that’s so true. It’s stuck with me.  I think that that’s how I live. Most of the time I get away with it though. I could relate it back to so many things. Working to many hours throughout year 12 and running myself to the ground, to making too many plans for one day, to helping people out with things when I have  a million and one to do myself or just generally, taking on too much at once and realizing that I can’t handle it even when I take a step back. I mean, we’re all guilty of piling up our dinner plate with every sought of dish on the menu and getting half way through and realizing that you’ve just served up to much for yourself. Take away maybe? It sucks though doesn’t it, because as much as you wish you could finish it, you’re body just won’t allow it

I’ve been writing this over two days and reading back on the last two paragraphs assures me that it’s not something I just felt yesterday. It’s always there.  I think It will always be something I feel. I could say that some of the questions i need answered have been answered. Answers that I personally find it hard to deal with. Answers to questions that realistically I didn’t want to ask myself in the first place. I know this doesn’t make sense, but for some people, this might make more sense to them than even myself. It’s all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man.

LIVE TO LOVE ANOTHER DAY :)

It's funny how you can meet someone and know that you'd drop absolutely everything to help them, support them or just make their day brighter. The most amazing thing is meeting these people. Lucky for me, i am so fortunate to have met a numerous amount of people while i've been here that i'd do that for. They're special, for reasons that i couldn't list of two hands, but one that i can't put my finger on yet. They could make you laugh, make you cry, offend you, compliment you.... each of which make them who they are, traits that make them such beautiful people. So there you have it, no matter where you venture to, i think you'll always meet people like this. To be blessed to have friends like this, collegues that are outstanding people, family that will always be there and parents that have brought you up well enough to recognise these soughts of people, i'll thankyou now and forever on.

Well what can i say, life is good. Another month down and so much more to add. To big weekends, to work, to meeting all kinds of people, to events, to dinners, to being sick, running myself down, not sleeping and finally, just relaxing. In ways it feels like i'm on one big holiday. To be honest, it feels like this all the time, but there's just things that break it up along the way, like working for instance. Now that's what i call the life.

My mum has this talent, where if i lose something she'll be able to tell me exactly where it is without even looking for it, she'll know when someones pregnant when they don't even know themselves or she'll get an overwhelming feeling if something isn't right or if i shouldn't be doing something. So, i don't have any of those talents. I lose things all the time, don't realise that someones pregnant till they're 30 weeks, never know if i should be doing something, and normally stuff up along the way. The other day though, i had this feeling run through me telling me that i'm doing the right thing. I don't really know what that means, but it's re-assuring that this is where i'm meant to be at this stage of my life. As each day goes on, i'm so glad i got up and moved here. The opportunies that have arised, to meeting some outstanding people, to realising how much more is out there..... i'll look back in 10 years and know i did the right thing.

All my love lovers x

ARGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

When you want to do so much that there's literally not enough hours in the days, weeks in the month or months in the year to make it even slightly realistic, to even contemplate making it happen. Being so stressed out that you take it out on the people that are always there when you need them the most. Letting thoughts enter into you head that if it were to actually happen it would tear your heart out. Welcome to the start of my week.

I'll start off by mentioning how lucky i am. How, lately things have just fallen into my lap. Not for any particular reason, but they just have. I'm having a lucky streak for a reason that myself, nor know one else knows why. I'm running with it, opening up my arms and taking it head on. Last week i was backstage of a music festival partying with musicians that i never ever thought i'd get the chance to meet in my life. I met people that have are doing so very well for themselves, that it proves that you can do anything if you work for it. I'm working for it but hitting the speed bumps along the way. It's weird how so much changes so quickly. How you have doubts one second and none in the next. For myself, re-assurance is what i constantly need. I don't like to fall back on people, but to be told that it's fine is something that i thrive off of. While the last few weeks have been astonishing, i've sat an interview for a better job, met some of the most amazing people, booked flights to go see someone who i can't stop thinking about and re-kindling friendships, i feel like i need to run or box something out. It's strange, wheather i'm worrying about something or just haven't let myself relax, stop and think... i can't really tell you. Probably both.  It's funny because the next blog i'll write will probably be so different to this one. I'll mention something along the lines of .... ...... ...well hopefully something amazing.

I miss my boyfriend, i miss alot of my friends from SA, i miss the people that continue to make me smile, but i definitely don't miss the life that i used to live. I've said this to a few friends who i hold so close to my heart, we know who we are, or more importantly know who we want to be. That is important. I hold these people so close to my heart because they're out there doing the things that they always wanted to do. These people know who they are.  We're in exactly the same place, no matter if we're on the other side of the country or on the other side of the world, if our age difference is 30 years apart, or if they're parents of five children. It's still the same. You can take it all away, but you can't change someone. I'm happy. I'm thankful for all and everything that i have. All i can do is thankyou now.

Maz.

D-TOWN!!

Back in Darwin. Back to reality. Back to living the dream. Back to paradise and most of all, back to following something special. Once i figure out what that is, i'll be sure to let you know.

Last time i blogged i was sitting on a matress freezing my ass off. Right now, i'm in shorts and a 'Bintang' singlet sitting under the fan with a strongbow right by my side. Now that's what i call , unreal!

It's funny. I've really enjoyed living up here but in the last week, i have enjoyed it more than i ever have since i've been up here. It kind of doesn't make sence though because i've been working 11 hour days and haven't had a day off yet. I think i'm starting to settle in now and especially, going back down south and seeing that everything is still the same, it made coming back up here even better. It feels good. To be honest, everything is working out so well that i'm waiting for something bad to happen. I think i feel like i don't deserve to be happy as what i am. I know i shouldn't feel like that but i often wonder what i've done right along the way? I'm not to sure.

You know what the best thing is about having friends and family back home? When you go back after not seeing someone for 6 months and it feels like you only seen them yesterday. That's what i call true friends. It felt like i never left and i love that. I love that i love such brilliant people and i love that i've been lucky enough to meet such people. It's such a good feeling to know that they're the ones that you can count on if shit hits the fan. These are the people that i'll never be able to repay. These are the people that should get their asses up here to see me already! I'll have to admit, leaving Port Lincoln was so hard this time around. You know when you arrive somewhere and the first thing you think of is that in 10 days time you have to leave again? For some reason i always do that and i hate myself for letting myself dwell on it before i even reach my destination. In actual fact, i do it everywhere i go. It's not a good traite. But, yes, it seems that everytime i have to say goodbye it gets harder and harder each time. I would say that it has alot to do with growing so close to people, especially Levi. I may be a brick wall most of the time and tend to not let people in, but somehow i'm allowing my stubourn self to let down my guard and let someone so special in. Someone who is playing a big part in how happy i actually am. Someone who i'm willing to put in alot of effort for. I mean if i wasn't prepared for that i wouldn't be travelling across the country every 6 weeks i guess. So there that is. We're making something work that alot of people probably doubted from the start.

Like i mentioned in my last blog about setting myself new goals, i've set myself alot more. I'm going to do it. I want to be the one that did everything i set out to do. Not that i ever make plans, but it'll be to prove it to myself and not you. For me and me only.

Peace and love lovers.

Maz.

Who knows really?

Do you ever wonder why you are where you are ? Why you're with the person you're with? If what your doing is the way it has been planned for you, or if you've screwed up along the way and things have changed? I always wonder why things happen the way they do and the biggest problem with this is that i'll never know, we'll never know.

Here i am, sitting on a thin foam mattress, on a freezing cold floor back in Port Lincoln. I've been back for a week now and on saturday, i guess, it'll be 'see you later' for just a few more months and then i'll more than likely be back again. It feels fantastic to be here. There's something special about this place. My dear friends, my mum and my partner all make this place special. Mabye in 5 years time i'll look back and wonder why i felt the way i did now. I might hate it, despise everything about it but i highly doubt it. Who knows what's going to happen. An even better question is, where will i be? Everything may be totally different. I could be sunbaking off the coast of France, or busking down Rundle Mall to make enough money to allow myself to live. I like the France option just personally. It scares me to think that we don't know what's going to happen. Life's a bit like walking into a dark tunnel and not been able to see where you're going, but having enough trust in the surroundings to lead you to a good place, a safe place, life.

Just lately, returning to the place that i have not long left, i haven't stopped thinking about the path i have chosen. The more i think about it i know moving away is more than likely the best thing i could have done. Some days i disagree with myself but i have had the luck, have been thrown opportunities that i never thought would even be in arms length away to grab. I think i am doing something that deep down i always wanted to do. This leads me back to my few opening lines, wondering if this is what i'm meant to be doing or if my journey has been changed. Truth is, i don't really care. I'm happy, thankful for where i am and willing to put in my all to achieve a HUGE goal i have set myself.

Let me explain. I wanted to move to Darwin in year 12. achieved. I wanted to become an Air Hostess. Not achieved, but have been offered a job that i won't be taking. Made friends with some of the worlds nicest people. achieved. Made a life for myself. On its way.

So even know some of these things are still in the process of being ticked  off i figure that the most logical thing to do is aim high and set myself something challenging, to dream about, to save for, to allow myself to experience and comprehend what it's like else where. Want to know what it is? Promise not to laugh? " I, Maria Ann Norman, will either have purchased, or may even of started travelling around the world at the age of 19 or 20 years young". You know it, i'm going to buy an around the world ticket. Who knows where i will start but i'm going to do it. Just take a leap and do it, while i can. Before i'm a stay at home mum, recycling cans, picking the kids up from school, having to wash my 6 year olds sheets in the middle of the night because he's had an 'accident'or simply been tied down to someone that will stop me doing something that is right in front of me. Who knows, i may never have kids or even get married but i'm young. The world is my oyster and even though i have commitments already, if you want me, chase me. Travel with me. Be with me. See who i am and if that's what you really want, then make me yours to keep. I'm loving life and even though sometimes i need to give myself a good kick to the face to realise how fortunate i am, things are dandy.

This especially goes out to a friends girlfriend who has tradgecally lossed her life in the last fews days. I know that my dream was once her dream and it breaks my heart to not achieve this together. Also, Heather C for encouraging me to keep on blogging .


Maz              x x x

finding myself.

So here i am once again, not being able to sleep.

Everything is fantastic. At know point will i complain because i am living the life. I am happy and what more can you ask for than that. Nothing i don't think.

Darwin is lovely at the moment. I think i can just about say that "The Dry Season is here". For those who don't know much about the seasons, let me put it to you like this. Wet season consists of rain, humidity, cyclones, sweat, overflowing rivers and lakes, mosquitos, mould, bad hair days and so on. The DRY however consists of very little humidity, no mould, no Cylcones, having the ability to swim at the beach, sun, no rain,  Mindol Beach Markets, The Races, Deck Chair Cinemas, gigs, good hair days and being comfortable 24/7. How bloody good is that.  Basically as soon as everyone elses weather turns to shit, The Top End comes alive, and by that i mean, WE GET OUR PARTY ON!

I'm hitting up Adelaide on the 29th of this month for a few days and then flying back over to Port Lincoln. Realisticly, i can't wait. Not am i only looking forward to seeing everyone back in Adelaide but i'll be breaking the 6 whole weeks apart from seeing the lover. I'll be able to see that mother of mine, to spend time with some of my favourites... and probably freeze my ass off. Actually, i'm a little scared as to how cold i'm going to be for two weeks. It'll be a weird feeling thats 4 sure. The day i fly out to ADL will be exactly 3 months to the day that i've been up here for. In some ways it feels like i've been here that long, but in other way it's flown by. I guess sometimes you need to travel back to where you've come from to see that everything is still the same and that most people are still doing exactly the same thing as when you left. I'm a little scared of that. I guess it's just like a story someone told me once. They had travelled world and seen things that they never imagined in their dreams, but when they got back they felt like they couldn't talk about there experiences because it was almost like they felt bad because they had gone out there and done something for themselves. I don't want it to be like that and i feel bad  sometimes feeling like that. It isn't right. If you want something, put in the effort and do it.

Hopefully, for those of you that i know that are reading this, i'll see you in a few weeks. As for now, i'll be working everyday with the exception of two days off between now and the next two weeks, having a beer over dinner everynight, making the most of this gorgeous weather before i freeze down south, swimming and more than likely consuming way to many easter eggs.

Have a happy and safe easter and i'll see you all very soon !

Lots and lots of love

Maz xxx

9th of April 2011. 13:05.

I'm going to refer back to Year 12 to explain the way i feel about a certain situation.

I don't know how many of you out there are reading this, but please bare with me.

Throughout school, you meet new people, you make life long friends, you make friends who you think are life long but aren't, you pretend to be someone different to fit in with people that, deep down, you don't really like. Throughout school you find people who you are truly yourself around and normally these aren't the people you're close with. In some cases you become another person to impress someone else who isn't really being their self either. You can't change this. I think this is the reason why people lose touch after year 12 is over because they've never being able to be themselves. It sucks. Moving away straight after school was finished wasn't such a bad thing. I knew who i wanted to be and i knew who i was. I'm now that person that i wanted to be and for that very reason, i keep in close contact with the people i wasn't so close with at school, but today i am. This proves a point that sometimes you shouldn't try and fit in with society, just be who you are if know one likes it, well they're not worth having around.

I was talking to a lady at work yesterday about being fortunate enough to have a home to come home to, a bed to sleep in and family to love. I left work thinking about this and how thankful i am for the above things. One thing i don't think anyone could live without is friends. I have the worlds best friends. Not only in SA but across the country . I have been fortunate enough to travel when i was younger and to have met many astonishing people. That i am thankful for. It doesn't matter how far away you are, if you're living in a igloo in Alaska, the people that stick in your mind are the people that you admire. I admire you.

What i am trying to say is, i don't think anyone really knows who they are. It's freaking hard to be yourself around people you're trying to impress, but at the end of the day, when that chapter is over ( especially school) you may realise that all that hard work of faking a personality wasn't worth it . Find the people who you are yourself around. As for all of my friends, i once again thankyou for allowing me to be myself, to share a part of myself .

I wish i appreciated what i had more, but really, travelling overseas is something that will teach  and show me how little some people have and how happy they are with the few things they have. I'l refer back to this is a year and hopefully say 'amen maria', now you really know what to be thankful for.

peace and love homie. x

Live in the moment.

The lover.

Litchfield National Park

The Best Memories.

Favourite place in darwin, the stormdrain!

Down our street.

Old school living.

I can't believe i'm writing a BLOG. really maria.

I feel like an idiot. i'm writing a blog haha.

The story goes on. . . . .

Adelaide to Port Lincoln to Darwin.

When i first arrived in Darwin i didn't know what to expect. I guess i expected the worst. The weather, well i had no idea how to prepare myself. Walking out of the airport doors was certainly a shock that's forsure. I didn't have a job, i had a suitcase with my life in it and me. That's all. Nothing else. I now understand the term ' My life is in my suitcase' cause that's what it's like, literally. I guess it didn't matter because even though i was so out of my comfort zone, literally cried all the way from Port Lincoln to Darwin, left one very special fella behind .. . i knew that i was doing something special, for myself and no one else. I wasn't doing it to prove anything to anyone. If anything, i made this move to prove so many things to myself. To figure out who i really am.

I think so many people don't go out of their comfort zones because a) They're scared b) They literally can't or c) Someone has told them that 'you'll never be able to do that'.

if someone tells you that you can't do something, prove them wrong.

two months later, here i am at 2:57am on the 8th of April writing about my life. Who would have thought this would be where i imagined myself a year ago. Never did i think this would be where i'd be.

After 2 months of being here i have worked at a irish pub/ topless bar. Yeah, i didn't think that's where i would be working a year ago either. Rest assured, i didn't actually work in the topless bar. I worked there for a bit over a month  and recently left after getting a job at the Airport, which i love.

So here i am. You're up to date with how things have worked out. I'm chasing something much bigger than just moving from one state to the other. Anyone can do that. There is no part of this blog that makes me different to anyone else. This shouldn't be inspiring, this is for the benefit of others to relate, read and mabey learn something. I really don't know what actually. This year is a year of putting myself in the deep end and figuring out how to swim, by myself, without having no one to cling on to if i sink to the bottom. What i mean is that i want to be able to do this on my own. I know i have family, my amazing friends all over Australia and so so so many people that would take pages and pages to fill with all their names that i can rely on at the drop of a hat. I know that. I appreciate that i'll never be able to thank these people enough. They are my rock.

'I always ask myself why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on earth. Then i ask myself the same question'

Ew Darwin. Who would want to go there right. Red Dirt. Smelling shopping centres. In the middle of no where. Rain. More Rain. Cyclones. Nothing. Boring.

yeah right. Think again my friends.

• tourists
• weekends all week.
• party lifestyle.
• Litchfield
• swimming in waterfalls
• amazing lightning and thunderstorms
• tropical weather
• shorts, singlets and thongs.
• opportunities of a lifetime
• Relaxed lifestyle;
• good pubs
• good food.
• markets.
• sunsets.

the list goes on and on and on and on.

It's funny how quickly people are to judge. I was. I was just another girl who went by what everyone else said . This proves a strong point that you should go and see, meet and get to know, travel and experience before you voice your opinion. Learn.

I've been living here since January now, with my sister, fiance and one very good friend. Three of the most important people. They've taught me a lot. They've taught me that i'm VERY BLONDE. that i shouldn't listen to anything they tell me to do. How to drink. how to get into the pool without getting wet. HOWTOLOOKLIKEANIDIOTONFACEBOOK. How to fall down rockfaces and general other day to day stupidity. I thank them for that.

Moving here was a decision purely based on gaining experience. I think i've been brought up to be independant, to make choices that will enable a good outcome. That hasn't gone to plan previously, but you know what i mean. So when people ask me ' Why Darwin' , well simply for something different. To find who i am. To see where i want to be at. To mature.

Stretching My Wings Out

You'll all be able to relate to this one. You're new in town. You don't know anyone but somehow everyone knows you. How does that even work?

So the story goes on. I've moved to Port Lincoln with my mum. We've moved into a unit , she's loving life and i feel like a part of me has being ripped out of my body and is being dragged everywhere i go. Homesick. We all know what that feels like?! The worst thing is. This was my new home, so how could i be homesick. It's the worst feeling in the world. Mabey that's dramatising it a little to much. It still feels shocking.

As the weeks went by, faces started becoming familiar, i landed a job as a waitress at one of the 3 Hotels in the town and things started to feel good again. I was making friends, meeting new people and actually enjoying being away from Adelaide. I was invited to a party , where i met to many people,  had to many names to remember and the only way to get over the fear of knowing no one was to GET DRUNK! So that's what i did. Thankyou, Nikita , for being so welcoming. Without you this story wouldn't be able to be told the way it is right now. Actually, this was the night i met my boyfriend. He was the hottie i was checking out on Facebook before i even knew who he was. Creepy hey, that's just weird Maria.

So moving was hard. Making new friends wasn't so hard. I ended up loving my job, absolutely loving Port Lincoln and had the best couple of months of my Life. At the end of January i left. I question myself everyday why i left. . . I found someone who i couldn't stop thinking about. I found someone who scared the daylights out of me because i never indended to let myself feel this way because i knew that i was leaving. I think alot of people my age would have taken the easier option and stayed, fallen in love and probably of never of left. So, i'm head over heels for this guy. He's the eggs to my bacon and hopefully knows that.

January 29th, i left Port Lincoln and Moved to the Tropics, DARWIN NT.

Change

I heard someone say once,  'Until i die i want to live without regret. Before i die i want to do everything i have ever dreamed of  doing' and their list went on.  Since a young age, i've had a list. Not a bucket list. Not a list to prove anything to anyone . Just a list that will provide some of the most amazing experiences. To teach me some of the most important lessons ; To love. appreciate, respect , cherish the moments that pass by so quickly, to believe, have faith, to meet new people, to gain confidence .. ... .. to be who i am and to grow as a person.

This is what i did.

I'll start off by mentioning that i have never been a person who would write a blog, someone who documents every detail of their day to day life. Never have i had a Diary and never have will i have a Diary. The reason for this blog is to share stories with the people i love, people who i will probably never meet in my life time and people who generally need to find hope through others.

.This is my story.

My name is Maria Norman. I am a high school graduate of 2010 . I have a passion for Music. For People. For Travelling. For Life.

I could go on and tell you how i got a scholarship overseas and now i'm about to be signed to some recording company. But i won't, because it's not true. Infact, that's so far from the truth it's not funny.

I left Adelaide in November 2010. I left my whole life behind. My friends, of whom a few  i call family, a job that i could do with my eyes closed and a huge part of myself. I didn't look back. Why? I don't know. In so many ways i didn't want to leave but i must have known that in the back of my mind, this was what i was meant to be doing. So life changed. My mother and i moved to a town called 'Port Lincoln' on the Eyre Peninsula of South Australia. I would be kidding myself if i said that i wanted to move there. I knew the change would do the world of good but i didn't know many peope, i didn't have a job and i just didn't want to be there at all. It wasn't me. Atleast i didn't think it was.